Mother wants son to play squash because she played in college, he doesn't like the sport so his dad tells her to pay for it: 'If you feel this passionate, then you need to put your money and time where you mouth is'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Mar 9, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Growing up, it felt like parents were always making you do things you didn't want to do. Violin lessons, even though the sound of the bow on the strings made your skin crawl. Dinner at the family friend's house where the kid you had to hang out with was a glue eater. Contact sports when you have chronic shin splints. Sometimes, it felt like they were torturing you on purpose, all behind the guise of 'building character.' And in the times when you tried to speak up and tell them that you gave it your best shot but this activity wasn't for you, it always fell on deaf ears. It felt unfair, unethical, and unreasonable. 

Reaching adulthood makes you realize that some of the things your parents made you do actually did help 'build some character.' Maybe the violin is your favorite instrument to listen to now, or that sport you used to hate is fun to play with a group of buddies. Other times, you realize that they really weren't listening to you, and you vow never to do the same thing to your kid. One man is face to face with that issue when his wife keeps forcing their son to play squash when he clearly hates it. Read on to see how he deals with it.

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    AUSTIN 99
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    "AITAH for refusing to continue being the one supporting my son's participation in a sport he is not that enthusiastic about, but my wife is?"

    Burner for privacy. My wife (40F) grew up as a competitive athlete (squash), playing through college on an NCAA championship team. Her whole family is very into competitive sports. I (47M), on the other hand, never had much interest. That's not to say that I was a couch potato. I was and have always been a frequent gym-goer and into road cycling and skiing (for fun, not competition).
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    We have a son (11M). My wife put him into squash lessons/clinics starting at age 7. She's now started signing him up for tournaments. Even though this is mostly her doing, I am the one taking him to and from lessons/clinics, driving to tournaments, etc. I'm also
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    tournaments, etc. I'm also essentially the person financially responsible for our entire lifestyle (with my separate money I bought our houses, cars, pay all the utilities, insurance, school tuition). My wife make close to 6-
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    tuition). My wife make close to 6- figures, gets to spend it all on whatever she wants and still usually has approximately zero dollars in her bank account. I'm not complaining about this (my income and wealth is multiples of hers), but this will be relevant later.
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    I've noticed that our son seems kind of down when I have to take him to squash and more down after he's done it. He has a lot of other interests: he loves coding, he plays guitar, he likes to ski, he likes bouldering, and between that and school (he is a conscientious and good student) time is very scarce. The same is
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    time is very scarce. The same is true for me. But both my son and I are finding our ability to do these other activities is being interfered with by my wife's insistence about how much time goes into squash. I should say
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    goes into squash. I should say that my son is ok at it, but he is never going to play Division One college, so it's not like college admissions/scholarships are in play here. I think it is great if he
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    play here. I think it is great if he can play the game socially later in life, but he could achieve that spending 25% of the time on it that he does. And certainly, we wouldn't need to burn whole weekends on tournaments. I've
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    weekends on tournaments. I've asked my wife to pick up more of the slack for shuttling him to squash stuff, but she always says she has work she needs to do that makes it impossible.
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    Recently, my wife signed him up for a tournament which conflicted with a bouldering event he wanted to do. He was sad. I asked him, "do you want to keep doing this much squash?" He said that he didn't, but he didn't want to disappoint his mom. I said I'd talk to her about it. She
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    said I'd talk to her about it. She was resistant to letting him do less, saying that he would appreciate it once he "pushes through." I told her that she needs to address this with our son and that in the meantime, I was done dedicatin MY time and money to squash. If she wanted
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    money to squash. If she wanted him to do more than a lesson or two a week, she would have to bring him and pay for it out of her own money. And if our son refused to cooperate with her in doing more squash than he wants, I would not enforce any consequences. She says that it
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    consequences. She says that it isn't fair: she doesn't have the same money or time available that I have. I said, if you feel this passionate about our son's squash, then you need to put your money and time where you mouth is and not just decree that our son needs to do it and I need to be the chauffeur. She thinks I
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    to be the chauffeur. She thinks I am being an a h le about it and abusing my greater wealth and more flexible schedule (actually it is not more flexible, I am just way more efficient at getting work done and being able to work hunched over a laptop at the squash courts) to "get what I want". Wondering what the collective wisdom of the Reddit Crowd thinks?
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    People were pretty adamant that you shouldn't force a kid to do something they don't want to do.

    Cheezburger Image 10469898240
    via Sven Mieke
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    Stop forcing this kid to do something he doesn't want to do just to appease his uninvolved mother. NTA
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    YTAH if you let your wife force your son into unwanted activities whether she pays for it or not. Your son is 11, and he wants to pursue what he is interested in. If he is not interested in being a competitive squash player, no one should be forcing him or guilting him into being one.
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    Heed this warning!

    Do an internet search on "forcing children to play sports" and see the harm it does and the damage it does to the parent-child relationship.
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    Part of being a good parent is providing a safe environment to your children for your children to learn to make decisions and consequences as well as teaching the other skills necessary for becoming an independent adult. At 11, your son should be deciding which of two competing activities he wants to participate in. His exploration of his interests should be driven by him.
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    It's completely reasonable to insist that he has some form of physical activity and that if he signs up for an activity he attends and completes the session, but that is about it. What type of activity should be up to him.
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    You should have been checking in with and stopping this a long time ago, OP.
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    This is how a theater kid is born.

    Competitive sports are rarely fun if it isn't a sport you are genuinely passionate about.
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    He has many other hobbies and specifically said he wanted less squash. This is a non-issue. Your wife will get around to realizing it eventually.
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